batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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