does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
