I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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