I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
