We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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