i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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