Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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