he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
