All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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