Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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