I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
