I wish I only lived at night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
