So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
