never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
