i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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