so let's talk penis.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
