This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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