Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
