I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
