She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
