I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
People in love make me want to vomit
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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