we have pet lesbian snakes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
