just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
