After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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