i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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