Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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