What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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