woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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