his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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