Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
