I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
