my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
