dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
