have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
