Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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