how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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