went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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