not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
