Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
