this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
