So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
