I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I still have a little drunk in my system
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
