i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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