brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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