Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
