What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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