We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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