It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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