I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
