for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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