The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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