I was born with a shot glass in my hand
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
