8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
