I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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