We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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