You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
