So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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