I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
