I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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