My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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