I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
