she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
