Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
