shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
