I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
