My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
