I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
