theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
